Am I a wife, a lover, a teacher, a student, a mother, a girl, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a neighbour, a patient, a doctor, a customer, a seller, oh, really, how should or how can I comply with all these roles? Most of our times we try to cope everywhere with a lot of worry while we feel that our tiny little butt is not enough to ride all these horses. Falling down become very usual because we have never learnt how to ride well. But why should it be so? Who says you have to behave differently, you have to comply with other rules or you mustn’t be yourself? Who taught you not to tell what you think? Who trained you not to show your real self, to hide the true beauty in you, while that is you. Who caused that you think you should consistently hide everything that brings you closer to yourself? Why do you believe that if you open, you will fail? You need your everyday masks to feel safe, don’t you? It is better in this way because it’s easier, however you don’t solve anything. All these oppressions will once make an alliance to fight against you and then you will understand that you lost yourself. Don’t let it happen! See, that’s me. That’s all. Me.
Recognition is overflowed you with a soft dawn and after waking up from the hidden world of your dreams you must choose the appropriate yourself from your wardrobe. You must wear your well-established manners, your precisely planned make-up, direct your mood and zip your daily role up to your crown. Let it tighten like neoprene otherwise you can slip. You do all these things so naturally that you may not even notice it. It’s so usual to open the door and go out while you lock yourself properly into your mind and your body. So high-pitched topics can come e.g. about the weather and your fake-smile is inexhaustible (you upgraded it perfectly) while you are struggling alone. It is better if nobody would like to be a part of it. You can solve it alone. But why is it good to be alone? Don’t believe that I haven’t felt it. Sooo cool to be there where the crowd is. It seems that you are a real party face because you participate in almost everything without truly being there. Big city life, you know the feeling when you go home by bus, underground, whatever and thousands of people rush away from you without names, faces and you truly don’t care. They also do not want to know you. All the bus stops fade away and the noise surrounds you but deep inside only the empty quietness is your fellow. The landscape is beautiful, your life too, but your lonely soul cries for someone who can wash the make-up and see only the pure existence underneath.
Come and peep!
When I get to know that I was ill or when so to say it was stated that was the time to close the gates. I didn’t allow myself to be seen by anyone because I didn’t even know who I am. I wanted to be any kind of anybody else but of course I failed. I tried to be similar to others but I didn’t succeed. Obviously. I couldn’t count those persons who were persecuted from my life just because I shew somebody else not me. At that time, I started to produce various kinds of psychotic symptoms, so the control was fell apart. You cannot be just yourself even if you try to force it for some time and you become a bit depressed but you won’t change. You will be screaming and waiting for the redemption when those clothes will be taken off and those colours of your mask will be washed. You should not wait for others to do this. While you’re hiding behind those masks and your roles define you, no one will suddenly wipe your face with a cotton swab and will shout: where the hell have you been for so long? You shouldn’t choose from your roles because you are not just this or that, all of them are parts of you. Don’t lose yourself! Don’t let others define yourself. Realize in the dawn of your brand new world or in the sleepy morning or (god damn) accidentally in a delirious midday that you don’t have to meet the expectations of the others. Anyone. Finally put on those cosmetics that depicts you. Spell yourself with the magic of self-confidence and you’ll see that even on the dirty subway your self-acceptance will sparkle. You could end your day with a pleased sigh because you didn’t do anything differently than you felt deep down in your heart. After washing out the dust of the day see the same one in the mirror who went away in the morning. Even if you are tired or if not everything is really succeeded and you feel too much pressure. Surprise your exhausted soul with the peace in you.
When you learn how to handle your roles once you will realize that you no longer depend on them. If you do it in an advanced way you may define whether you have to pick up one of the manners and play a bit. The most beautiful is when you have a secret place where your soul can be pure and nude. Pooh says the home is where you can release your tummy. That is very similar to what I think. Where all these expectations don’t buzz around your head, so where and when you can say anything what you want. I go further, where you are allowed to feel what you really feel. You should have a place like this in your life. Here you can let those roles go away and step out from hypocrisy. Wear those trainers and comfy pants, you don’t have to comb your hair or even your legs can be a bit hairy and you are accepted totally. That’s what you need. That’s what you deserve. And if you have it, please be infinitely grateful for it, because you have a place where you are beloved.
If I let you see my face, then you are so close to me. I’m a social creature, it is said, but not only me, you too. That bastard bus driver too. He is a social creature too. All of us need acceptance, attention and other pathetic things what you cannot buy in the Tesco. This is why we have our souls. We need each other. We need love, long hugs, the feeling of togetherness, the warmth of home, because these make the base of bearing everyday life. Exploded into that stinking, stressful big world this is how you can find your place and protect yourself. Going back into our familiar nest gives me weapons to fight against those unhappy and home-searching people. The world is full of shit. I don’t watch Tv, neither the news. It’s enough to know that I must survive like you too. And for all these beautiful things I am grateful as much as I can. This is why it is wonderful. What you build up around you and who you share your inner self with; only that counts. They should be your world. Your home. No acting. Everyone is free.