We seek and defend as vehemently as if the truth were indeed the truth, but do we know who he is, why he sends us in full armor into battle, and yet why he hides from us once we have to fight in his name. A capricious warlord whose words are untrustworthy, because everything that is true is not outside of us, and the answers are not found on the battlefield, but deep inside. And yet he puts us to the test every single day. Unless we want to surround ourselves with the repentant, stinking stench of loss, let us always try to deal with him, and with the truth, in their place.
We want to be right, even though we know, we understand the impossibility of that. When did you first see the picture of a young woman/old woman? Who is right? Who sees the young one? Who sees the old one? Who consider both? God forbid, what’s up with those who see none of them? Is that glass of water half full or half empty? How much commonplace do you need to be aware that there is no good answer? You see it this way, I see it that way, the third will see it differently again, and we could easily look at the same thing. It has been taught since ancient times that everything, really everything, is just a matter of point of view; so why do we believe that we could show that we are right. We are full of great narrators these days who seem to understand what they are talking about and so many believe them. Why? Just because they authentically sell their own truth. Then there’s someone else who sells a completely different truth just as well. And then they meet on the internet and go on to lap that vitamin C is actually good or bad. Millions are advancing themselves to honorary doctors and protecting with full breast width, splashing saliva, what they believe in. There is no middle way. Yet it is said million times before, maybe by many wise people, that you should look for it, that gold, the middle, and not believe that something can only be black or just white. So did the Chinese when they condensed their truth into the symbol of yin and yang. It is wonderfully simple and yet has huge teachings in that one circle and those two colors.
But we quarrel, we humiliate each other, we want hierarchy, and of course we suffer from it too. We want to defend our little truth, but we rarely bother to get to know it. We roar, we want, by force and immediately. But have you ever tried to undress your anger? Have you ever wanted to see him as he is? I have a favorite example and I will only describe it to you because you will know it one way or another. She’s at home mom, alone with the little one, and spinning her head all day, doing everything, but she’s happy, balanced, and loving her baby. Indeed. She’s not angry. She doesn’t know it is because she can’t afford these kinds of feelings. Dad comes home from work, tired. She wants Mom, but she immediately explodes like a bomb because, let’s say, his shoes are dirty, or he forgot to bring something from the store. They will become tense in a minute, tossing things that will only drag them farther and farther from the middle, from the holy togetherness. Mom will be angry too, dad will be angry too, he might even leave home. We look at them from the outside: mother is really lonely, but she’s afraid to feel it because she’s at home, she has a child who she’s really experiencing as the greatest gift. She misses her femininity, she misses her husband, we assume she really loves him. She can’t say that, she doesn’t dare feel it, she just pours her grief on Dad. But behind the cheap provocations lurks a: I miss you, a hug me, please. Dad is tired, he doesn’t know how to be a good dad, since that baby is usually with her mother. He wants to do well, he wants his wife, who is constantly tired. He doesn’t want to be hurt; he’s looking for his place too. He wants love, hugs. They both want that yet let themselves be swept away. And I don’t generalize, there is no fault, there is bad communication. This is the case when we close our eyes so tightly to the true nature of truth that we are unable to see it. And the debates are coming again and again because we don’t say what we feel. Most relationships are broken by this. There lined up the grievances, the stone blocks of images we believe to be true, which we roll on a common path. There’s no truth in most quarrels, because that’s how I see it, and that’s how you see it. The only question is whether we want to understand each other. Can we drop the ego and honestly turn to the other, hear what our partner’s saying, because it could easily be that it just sounds very soft, somewhere behind the shout, as some kind of background music. But if we pay attention, the truth may creep into our ears. We should also argue somehow calmly, with some common sense, so as not to let our feelings into it because they can be misleading. The ego is a great player, but it should not be allowed to come to power, because the more times it is there, the more it convinces us that only we can be right, and if it is not, it can be a personal insult. If we try to live like this, we will be in perpetual war with the whole world. Yet every quarrel has only losers.
So, dare to look for what it really brings us out of our stream. You may have just been tired, you may have relived a sore, old feeling, you may be very deeply touched by the topic for some reason, but the other party doesn’t know them, or worse, they are just attacking them as a defense. Still, let’s try to put things in order on a thought level, and then maybe even our words will be more clearly formed, they won’t carry insults, they don’t want to take wounds, our actions mostly don’t. Love can clear even the more serious mists if we want to see the sunshine afterwards. Whether it’s our partner, our child, or our friends, relatives, or completely strangers, let’s always strive for awareness. Don’t go into unnecessary debates, there are plenty of them and they will never end unless we decide not to simply participate in them again. That’s why it’s so annoying when someone is calm because with that, an angry ego thirsting to fight can’t do anything, and finally forced to give up. He runs into it a few more times and then realizes that you are no longer feeding his anger. You can’t save everyone but yourself absolutely. And do it. Create that silence, you know, you need it. And if you make a mistake, apologize, honestly. Because violence only breeds violence. I didn’t invent it, but I agree with it to the fullest. You are neither a victim nor an oppressor. You are neither more nor better than your fellow human beings, only different. It’s you. And it’s up to you to spend your precious time in campaign while fighting pointless fights or giving yourself a chance for peace.